Matt Jones is such a funny guy. I really like him. He triggered me to write this post. His most recent article titled, “Top 16 Funniest Referring Keyword Phrases To Blogging Fingers“ put a smile on my face and totally inspired me to write this and I think this totally needed right now. Spirits are down and people need to cheer up a little bit.

Today in the blogosphere and I smell gun powder and see huge clouds of smoke starting to rise. It seems that there is a war going on again and the battles are starting to surface. It’s like a modern digital Woodstock era. Large groups of bloggers want freedom and large systems are attempting to conform these free spirited societies. It’s a war of the mass free spirited bloggers being attacked by Google. Or rather, that is the public perception. And today, it seems morale is low in our blogosphere. I really can feel it… people aren’t too happy right now. The blogosphere seems quiet. To me, its like the calm before the storm.

Anyway… enough of that. For those that know me pretty well, I am not much into blog memes. I have made that pretty clear in the past, and consequently I don’t get asked to participate in them. However, sometimes I think I have to step out of the boundaries I have laid for myself. And today, I think a really good blog meme needs to be spread like wildfire will help us all cheer up by making a comical poke at Google.

* I am NOT trying to make Google look stupid. I am just trying having some fun and lift spirits of all the bloggers out here who are hurt or confused with Google’s strong arm and wrath.

If Google can’t have a sense of humor with me being the creator of this meme, go ahead and ban me. I created this blog meme not for the purpose of trying to manipulate your precious algorithm but rather to provide the blogosphere with a stress release system that will help provide comfort to the ones that feel you have stabbed them in their backs.

I call this blog meme, The Top Ten Google Keyword Blunders. And this blog meme is all about the traffic bloggers get from stupid keywords that people search for in Google where our blogs pull up clearly being totally irrelevant, thus proving that the goddess almighty search engine is bunk.

Garry’s Top Ten Google Keyword Blunders:

1. “what does a neighborhood look like” - WTF is this? Who would search for something like this? And why in the world did my blog pull up?
2. “what does out of the box thinking mean?” - LOL!! Well, I guess I should answer this since someone “really” wanted to know, so here goes:Dear Google Searcher,To think out of the box, you must not be in the box while thinking. If you think while being in the box you are not thinking out of it. (I read that in a fortune cookie! and I pass this wealth of knowledge down to you!) May the future bring you many days outside of boxes. Sometimes being in boxes can get a little shallow and uncomfortable.Best Regards,
   Garry Conn
   
3. “The Biggest MySpace Loser!” - What the heck is this? Ok, FINE!!!! Garry Conn “IS” the biggest MySpace loser… I am keeping that title and I am proud of it, thank you!
4. “thanks for taking the test!” - Oh #?@*!!! … I hope it didn’t turn out positive! Is that why I am itchy… ah, never mind… moving on!
5. “sites that will link to you” - Sorry! We can’t do that anymore. Google trains us to be assholes. Click here after you have prepared your site and filled it full of propaganda.
6. “resubmit a url to google” - You’ll see better results jumping off your roof in hopes of growing wings and flying.
7. “pictures of my son” - Fellow moms and dads. Sometimes its best to not to investigate what your teen son does online. However, if you really want to know.. visit MySpace.com and look up screen name: Cumnoutofthecloset14. He pretty popular among a SRANGE group of friends.
8. “no more page rank” - Yeah…. get used to it.
9. “no cost mug shot” - Yep! These usually come free with the arrest. Have a few beers and slam into a light pole and you can get one too!
10. “how to get popular boys to like you” - OMG!!! And Google thinks I can help answer this question!

Here is the part where I tag people to play!

Ok… so now I have to tag people to play:

• Tobsy, I am tagging you!
• Madhur, my good buddy who just turned 22!
• Marc Eilbeck, who recently posted a really cool post!
• Jack Humphrey, who asks people “Who Cares about PageRank?”
• Elias Kai, who spreads the news about Google’s Wrath on Paid Links.
• Gaman, who asks the community if they have been affected?
• CyberCoder, who suffers from major loss in Adsense income yet he plays by the rules!
• And anyone else who reads this and wants to play!!!

List of Participating Blogs:

• Oct, 9th - CyberCoder’s Top Ten List of Google Keyword Blunders
• Oct, 9th - Tobsy’s Top Ten List of Google Keyword Blunders
• Oct, 10th - Mahhur’s Top Five List of Google Keyword Blunders
• Oct, 10th - Eliza’s Top Ten List of Google Keyword Blunders
• Oct, 14th - Mike Wheeler’s Fun With Google
• Your Blog Goes Here

I hate to say it… but this post was fun. I really enjoyed choosing my Top Ten Google Keyword Blunders and I hope you will find equal enjoyment in doing so to! Drop me a comment and let me know if you wrote a post that shares your Google keyword blunders and I’ll edit my post to include you on the “List of Participating Blogs”.

Take care, have fun, cheer up, Google doesn’t own the Internet… they just own their search engine. And its up to you to decide whether or not you want to rank well in it.